Back to life, back to the new reality

I've been healing and fixing and everything functions to a point.

Imagine if you didn't have to train to be able to ride for long distances. Anyone could just jump on a bike and go fast. No soreness or fatigue. Just boogie wonderland. OK, this isn't Washington or Colorado so I'll stop with the pot smoking questions.

You can't. You train to perform. The events are the moments of truth where you display that training.

There are setbacks. Injuries, vacations...extended periods where there are no hours to train. I find it the hardest to train right after one of these. Mentally, I can remember what it feels like but because it hasn't been part of the immediate routine, the impetus goes. I find it the hardest to actually put a leg over the bike. That is harder than the ensuing ride. Once that is broken I know the rest will only be a matter of time.

Normally.

The one good thing about being knocked out by the white van a couple of weeks ago is I have no recollection whatsoever of the incident. The way I see it is if I'm going to do all these miles on roads used by things with engines, sooner or latter my card will get punched. I got off kinda light. No recollection = no fear. I can imagine it would be different if I saw the thing coming at me. Every time I went out I'd have long, drawn out sequences rattling around in my brain of white vans being driven by blood soaked clowns coming at me.

Alas, I have none.

The first time out after time off is tricky. It's also about learning where I'm at. Mentally, I can remember the numbers I should be able to produce. I can't hit those numbers right now.
That is OK.
There is also some scars and aches to deal with but fortunately I'm mechanically sound. I can function. I wish sometimes I had a sports shrink to talk to about getting cracked up. A lot of bike riding is pushing to see how far/fast you can go. Being reserved can't be part of it. I guess I feel a little tentative but it is still early days.

My bike works but it does not feel like my bike. It pulls to one side. My teeth hurt and they have moved a little. These are constant reminders.

The new reality.